Friday, January 1, 2016

Top 10 Highly Mockable Posts of 2015

Happy New Year. Ready to start dreaming of Season 3? Before we do, let't look back one last time at Season 2, which is just a fuzzy, knocker-filled, crazy momma memory at this point for me.

If you somehow missed all my great season 2 recaps, laugh with them here. But if you just want to hit the lowlights of The Valley and my awesome commentary, see below the top 10 posts of 2015.

#10 - 10 Things Not in The Valley Gift Bag
Coincidentally, the 10th most popular post has the number 10 in its title. I later got a REAL The Valley gift bag when I met the show's producer.

#9 -Who has the Biggest Cajones? (S2:E10)
I will take a wild guess that maybe this image had something to do with this post's popularity.

After I wrote about The Valley gift bag, Executive Producer Steve Bailey gave one to me!

#7 -Does Sol Meditate in the Woods? (S2:E5)
We find out that Sol has a suburban-based spiritual advisor. And Ellis is too good for this show.

#6 -More Boring than DeGraff (S2:E4)
Poor Nathan doesn't even get to be in the clothesline photo and then when he is in an episode he is really bored. And Ellis is too good for this show.

#5 -Highly Mockable Dayton Television
Local blogger is invited to appear on Living Dayton, also produced by Executive Producer Steve Bailey, and creates her own highly mockable local programming.

#4 -Awesome College Stories About Barf (S2:E2)
After sharing vomit stories over lunch, the ladies head to tea and the guys hit a water park.

#3 -A Ship Storm of Talent (S2:E3)
The cast goes on a houseboat weekend. I recommend reading this to some great disco music.

#2 -The Case of the Nip Slip and the Missing Gay (S2:E1)
This was the first post and easily my best headline.

...and the top post of 2015...

#1 - The Hard is What Makes it Great (S2:E6)
I have no idea why this is such a popular post. This post has 8 times as many views as the number 10 post. Is it Nathan's meet-up with Cincinnati Councilman Chris Seelbach? The canoe trip and accompanying nip photo? Noelle visiting the Dayton Dragons? [no]. Whatever it is, lots of people clicked on this post. So enjoy.

Tell me in the comments, which one was your favorite?

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Who Wants a Spinoff?

Sigh. Now that season 2 of The Valley is just a memory, it's time to put away your The Valley air freshener (exclusive to the gift bag!) and brush your lips one more time with your The Valley lip balm (featuring the best-looking white kids from season 1!).

I have often joked about spin-off series that could come from The Valley. Chiefly, the AWESOMENESS that would be Ellis, Officer Perdue and Travon going around Dayton solving crime.

Apparently, The Valley is in on this game too. And they are letting all of the many, many fans of The Valley vote for which cast member they would most like to see in a spin-off. I believe this is just for fun, unfortunately. But check out the current vote:

Sol, I can see. Who amongst us hasn't gazed longingly at her breasts and listened to her whiny voice and said, "I need so much more of that."  But Nathan?

I guess I could see The Adventures of Nathan being a cool show. He wakes up in his dog-smelling apartment, heads to the Cincinnati pride parade with his new friends and then heads home to DeGraff for a family reunion. What he doesn't know is that the producers have booked Dayton's Rubi Girls as entertainment. Awkward hilarity ensues!

Who is your favorite for a spin-off? Maybe Ally trying to make it in the music business, with a shirtless Chris by her side? Aaron launching his own line of ambiguous tank tops? Noelle, coming-to in a Put-In-Bay restroom, realizing she's been left behind?

Vote here or let me know in the comments. Fingers crossed for season 3!

Monday, November 30, 2015

The Valley Recap: These People are Like a Job (S2:E12)

Welcome back to Dayton Valley Talk! If you haven't already, check out my hilarious recaps of earlier episodes.

The Valley is a Dayton-produced reality show, featuring favorite players from Season 1 and a set of new 18-24 year-olds who aren't afraid to par-tay until they puke. Everyone has something to prove. So what’s your story?

Sadly, this is the last episode of season 2 and I would like to thank all of my curious officemates, Facebook friends and fans inside the walls of WDTN for making it fun.

The cast includes:
Chris: "Invites" everyone on a road trip
Aaron: We never found out... (about the gay)
Ally: Sings her spring break song
Alexys: Mad at Ryan for kissing her (?)
Casey: Memorable as ever
Sol: Gets wet
Ellis: Still my sweetheart
Ryan: Wears the same shirt the whole time
Noelle: Fails to hook up with Chris :(

Farewell also to Don B and Nathan who never get to do the road trips.

Last episode: They went to a treetop obstacle course, Ryan and Alexys went on a date, Don B and Ally recorded a song, and Ryan committed the crime of PDA.

Theme song: “Do you have what it takes?” To ride in a golf cart driven by Sol? To care what happens with Alexys and Ryan? To stare into the sunset in a staged exit?

First Adventure: Put-In-Bay

They gather at an hour so early that Noelle hasn't yet put on her face. Chris "springs" it on them that they are going on a road trip to Put-In-Bay.

They ride the ferry.

Oh, God, Sol has to "pull Alexys aside" about how Alexys and Ryan were awkward on the car ride. Alexys is ignoring him because he kissed her--the hated PDA?

Alexys: "This is going to blow up."

They get golf carts

Sol: "They picked me to drive the golf cart because I have the best driving record. I have only been in two car accidents."

Aaron: "When you put Sol behind the wheel of a motorized vehicle and say have a good time, that's when you know you have [bleeped] up."

They drive around

Second Adventure: The Keys for lunch

Ryan and Alexys go off to talk. They argue about how much Alexys said she hates PDA. They have a stupid fight. Alexys is leaving soon for college and tension is high.

Third Adventure: Lighthouse

They see great views.

Fourth Adventure: Pub bar

It starts to pour down rain.
Sol: "What is this bassoon? I am wet all over."

Aaron: "So what do you think about this being the last road trip?"
Noelle: "I'm really sad but I feel Iike I'm ready to get away from some of these people."
Aaron: "These people are like a job."

Fifth Adventure: Hang out

They hang out by the pool.

Alexys and Ryan talk by the water.

Alexys: "This is literally the last time I will see you before I go to college."

Just a little foreshadowing but I'm guessing Noelle gets plenty of sun.

Sixth Adventure: Bar and grill

They dance and eat.

Chris and Ally get cozy on the dance floor. Seriously, Steve Bailey, this is the exciting couple you told me I would see in the last episode. Aaron and Nathan--now THAT would be a shocking couple. Or maybe Ellis and Sol. But really, the two cool white kids from last season. Not that exciting.

Noelle starts puking.
Noelle: "I died a couple times."

I assume this is from sun and drink and not overwhelming love for Chris. My Chriselle will never happen. Sigh.

Ally performs her original song and the producers use it as the background while they individually say how this has been the best summer of their lives. Sorry, but it hasn't been the best 12 weeks of mine.

Finally, we make it to the end. They do a staged farewell look into the sunset as if they are the crew from Ocean's 11 at the Bellagio.

A final note: I was always hoping that Aaron would have a love interest, so I would know whether to say HA! or Sorry! for calling him A Gay in the first recap. Not only did I say he was gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I also misidentified one of the crew who I said was Aaron and was actually a cool guy named Cory. 

Thanks for sticking with me through this whole season. Sol, I'll miss you most of all. Sniff.