Sunday, October 4, 2015

The Valley Recap: More Boring than DeGraff (S2:E4)

Welcome back to Dayton Valley Talk! If you haven't already, check out my hilarious recaps of earlier episodes.

The Valley is a Dayton-produced reality show, featuring favorite players from Season 1 and a set of new 18-24 year-olds selected for maximum drama. Everyone has something to prove. So what’s your story?

The cast includes:

Ryan: Has the hots for Alexys
Alexys: Not the bitch this season
Sol: Pretends to hate drama
Chris: Hates on Nathan
Casey: Who?
Don B: Hardly on camera
Ally: Hardly there
Aaron: Whole wardrobe of tank tops
Noelle: Gets no lines
Ellis: Sweetly plays a board game
Nathan (not pictured): Yawns

Last episode they spent a weekend on a Lake Cumberland houseboat. Chris had an epic fall.

Theme song :  “Do you have what it takes?” To leave Sol's knockers out of this? To even care about the manufactured drama? To muster up any more enthusiasm for this than Nathan?

Gotta use that Dayton b-roll.

First adventure: Ellis has a disease
Ellis has sickle cell, a blood disorder. His biggest fear is dying young without having the chance to let everyone know who he is. Apparently that's the deathbed regret of millennials.

He mentors a cool little kid with the same illness named Trevon. I would totally watch a show about this kid. He is awesome.

Ellis: "I'm a super hero in my own mind."
Trevon: "Yeah you are."

They play a board game. It's cute. Ellis is too good for this show.

Second adventure: Rose Music Center at The Heights 
Everyone gets VIP passes to Chanel 999 Summer Fest--even Nathan.

Ryan is a concert virgin. Where is this kid from? Freakin DeGraff?

Oh look, it's Nathan. He is so tired. All those shifts at Bob Evans. Or maybe it's dawning on him how dumb all of this is.

Chris:  "Nathan put a damper on the event." I am disappointed with the negative energy.

Everyone meets some group called MKTO. I am too old to research that.

Third adventure: BB Riverboat Cruise

Oh. My. God it was all over Snapchat that Alexys was hanging with Ryan and Ally without anyone else. (Re-read in Sol's whiny voice.)

Sol has to "pull people aside" several times. Now that she is back to wearing clothes, that appears to be her primary function in this show.

Alexys, Sol, Aaron, Ryan, Ellis and Chris go on the cruise. 

Sol and Ryan have a heavily bleeped conversation. Remember the good old days when Alexys was the bitchiest person on the show?

Ellis is hitting on other girls.  Sol interrupts them. 
Aaron: "Sol walks around thinking that every guy wants her. And nobody does."

Alexys: I have to leave for London in 8 days.

Ryan: I have feelings for Alexys. He asks her out.

Alexys: "It better be fun and there better be food."  To the camera: "I thought I would hate him."

Next week we learn Sol deals with depression. Well, we knew it wasn't chronic shyness. Ryan appears to get stood up for the date with Alexys. 

1 comment:

  1. You have a gift, my friend. Can you make a full-time living recapping reality shows? Time to get yourself an agent!