Sunday, September 13, 2015

The Valley Recap: The Case of the Nip Slip and the Missing Gay (S2:E1)

Welcome back fans of The Valley, people I forward this to at the office and quasi-friend Facebook people who have been confused by my enthusiasm and think I have something to do with this show (I don't).

UPDATE: I may have been remiss in making introductions. Check out these newly minted castmembers.

The premier episode doesn't hesitate to get down to business, so we will too.

The show opens with Alexys at Xavier, taking down pictures in her dorm room and her calendar from April (what?). She is looking forward to summer where she will wear a lot less clothes (an actual quote), travel to London for a month to hang out study, and get paid minimum wage to go on adventures with other strangers from the suburbs of Dayton.

Fortunately, Chris is just across town at the University of Cincinnati and ready to leave college on the very same day, so Alexys picks him up. Nathan does not get a ride.

The car ride is a good opportunity for some exposition. We learn:
- Chris has a 20-day girlfriend.
- Alexys and Johnny are broken up but he is cool and is Chris' frat brother.
- Ally is back in town from Nashville or Memphis or someplace
- Don B just had his wisdom teeth out.

Song: Do you have what it takes? To watch a whole second season? To figure out why Aaron is not at the party? To stare at Sol's cleavage long enough to wonder why it isn't blurred?

First Adventure – Park in Fairborn
We meet Season 2 newbie Noelle who is from Fairborn and also goes to UC. Chris says that he met her at college. Can you imagine his pick-up line: "Hey baby, we should be in a Dayton reality show together." Noelle is an aspiring actress who likes to work out. They ride bikes and do some pull-ups. No word on whether she is the 20-day girl.

Second Adventure - Alexys' Mom's House
The gang is back: Ally, Chris, Nathan, Don B are all there. Stephanie even makes a negative flashback cameo. 

Chris gets icing on Ally and Alexys as payback from Kings Island. 
Alexys – “The prank war is 100 percent back."
‘Who puts chocolate on a blond little white girl.”

Various people did interviews:

Don B – I’m working on a mix tape right now. This mix tape is the one, I swear

Sol – Centerville was too small for me. I get away with a lot because people say "That’s just Sol." 

She is wearing a very small bikini. As an owner of breasts, I can't say with certainty that her actual nipples were exposed, but lots of nipple adjacent area could be seen. Like lots.

Ellis – wants to be a cop

Casey – I am beyond stoked

Ryan – loves football

Aaron is not there. Except he is. In the previews for next episode he is a "new friend" but in Daytons CW behind-the scenes photos, there he is. (I don't know for sure if he is gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Third adventure – Cincinnati Circus
This is set up as Sol's surprise graduation "gift" for Casey (they are BFFs). Sol invites Ryan and Ellis to go along.

A circus guy juggles knives, they learn to walk on broken glass. Later montage shows them doing the trapeze.

Ellis – I’m scared, I don’t want to do any of this stuff

Sol – I can’t eat fire. I’m going to vomit.

They climb a rope and spin – Sol the gymnast freaks out

Sol pretty much seems to hate this, but in the end she says it was "awesome."

The episode ends with lots of previews. It looks like they go to Lake Cumberland next week, which actually sounds fun.


  1. Hahahahaha! So glad you are back.

    Good grief. Way to represent Dayton. Get those girls some clothes that actually fit!!

  2. Hahahahaha! So glad you are back.

    Good grief. Way to represent Dayton. Get those girls some clothes that actually fit!!

  3. We need to be on "Real Housewives of the Valley". I mean, we'd have to quit our jobs and become housewives BUT, for 15 minutes of very localized fame + minimum wage? I think that's a no-brainer!!

    1. S1:E1 - Jenny goes to selfie rehab while Holly scubs hog manure off her kitchen rug. Emily has an embarrassing medical procedure.