10 Things NOT in The Valley Gift Bag

Squeeeeee! The Valley is now giving away a gift bag. I am signed up to win, natch, but it got me to wondering what is even in this bag.

I have to think it is free passes to Cincinnati Dayton restaurants and attractions so you too can have an awesome time just hanging with your friends. Maybe there are some fun things that only viewers from Season 1 would understand. Like your very own blurred-out Donald shirt or an invitation to hang out with Nathan in his apartment that smells like dog.

Here are ten more things that are probably NOT in The Valley gift bag.

1. Dayton Metro Library card - We can surmise that most of the cast members are not big readers, especially college scholars Casey and Ellis.

2. Purple hair dye - That turned out so terrible for poor Stephanie that she wasn't even included in Season 2. (Although I hope that's because she is smarter than the rest of them and declined.)

3. S'more kit - Doubt this would be in the gift bag. Who wants to remember that night at Camp Kern?

4. Map of downtown Dayton - Ha! Who needs that?

5. Copy of Rick Niece book about DeGraff. No one wants to go to that God-forsaken place.

6. Gift certificates to Milano's. Oh, wait, they renewed their sponsorship? Then scratch that. You are totally getting gift certificates to Milano's.

7. An alpaca

8. Invitation to the premier of Chris's PSA. Boy, I hate that thing.

9. Date with Alexys’s Mom. Sorry.

10. Men's shirt. Based on the previews. No one is wearing these anymore (except Donald).


I will be registering furiously but if any of you happen to win this, pics or GTFO.