The Valley is a Dayton-produced reality show that occasionally actually films in
The cast includes:
Ally – “My initial thought was: this sucks.”
Chris – Virgin!
Stephanie – Drama with Alexys.
Donald – Never been camping.
Alexys – Drama with Stephanie.
Nathan – “In high school, I ate a lot of cheesy bread.”
Last episode, there was drama. Stephanie read a text. Chris recorded a lame public service announcement honoring his DUI coach, or something.
Theme song :“Do you have what it takes?” To even care that none of this actually seems to take place in Dayton? To listen to two teen girls argue? To watch Chris’s dumb PSA?
First adventure: WDTN Studio
Stephanie is under a tree tearfully talking about how she is unsure of her future. And she is concerned,like many young people, that her family’s sacrifices to send her to Wright State University for free might be wasted.
Her dream is to help the Hispanic community. She will help them by being on the TV news.
She spends a day talking to people at WDTN, who, oddly enough, don’t seem to be interested in talking on camera. Or maybe they were too boring and got edited.
After a few hours talking off-camera to WTDN staff, all of Stephanie’s problems and concerns are solved.Whew.
Second adventure: Camp Kern
They are back at Camp Kern. Staff guy with the weird accent has a small surprise. They will all dress up as video game characters and help camp kids with some outdoor game.
Stephanie paints herself black and then rolls around in the underbrush. Alexys is some sort of princess. Even though this is a surprise, Nathan is already wearing a Pac-Man shirt.
Apparently, no one told them they had to go rustic camping that night. There are only two tents. And no bathroom.
Nathan: "Ally, Alexys and Stephanie are all too preppy for this camping."
Nathan and Stephanie get a craving for Little Caesars. Everyone eats hot dogs and s‘mores instead. Only the white people know how to make a s‘more.
Ally: "Let’s play truth or dare!"
Nathan: Dares Chris to do 50 push-ups
Chris: "The game was super boring."
Stephanie and Alexys are still feuding. Drama ensues because Alexys and Stephanie can’t sleep in the same tent, duh. Ally and Alexys seem to propose that Stephanie sleep with Nathan (gay!) and Donald. Does this mean that those two sleep with Chris?? This is never resolved on camera. What happens in the tent… No, really, what DOES happen in the tent?
Third adventure: El Toro
Alexys, Stephanie and Nathan eat Mexican again. They discuss how Chris told them he was a virgin.
Cut to Donald’s interview about the virgin in their midst. “Personally, I have to get my [bleep] on, so I really admire him.” Just a reminder, Donald is only months out of high school and he did not say “bleep” to the camera.
Back at the restaurant, Nathan, in a TOTALLY not staged action, bails and leaves Stephanie and Alexys together.
Alexys: "I have literally cried several nights about things you have said. You called me a rich white girl."
Stephanie: "You have been rude."
They awkwardly argue. Alexys storms off.
OK. I guess that’s the end and we’ll never know what happened in the tent, although it seems Chris's virginity is still intact.
I have now watched this five weeks in a row for you. You're welcome.
This post originally appeared on 2thebacon.com. Included here with permission from me, because this is my blog too.